Dear Brandon Phillips

Dear Brandon Phillips,

I don't know if you remember me, but I asked for your autograph and got my picture taken with you during Spring Training '11. Just think back to the coolest person you got your picture taken with, and that's me. I posted that picture of you on my Facebook profile, when in reality, you should have posted that picture of me on your profile.

I'm writing this letter to you to help me on my quest. I chose you for 2 reasons:

1) You are the Fan's Best Friend. Really--As a Cincinnati Red's fan myself, I've seen how you acknowledge your fans at spring training, your home turf, or Twitter. So, if anybody's going to respond, it would be you.

2) I recently had a dream that you and I went roller skating many days in a row and became great friends so that you could help me with this ambition. (I know, roller skating, really? Sorry--probably not the way you have hoped to be in a girl's dream...)

As a disclaimer, let me say that I am not trying to do some kind of reverse psychology trick to get you to ask me on a date. No offense, but you're not exactly my type. Plus, you barely meet my height requirement.

Here's the main point of this letter:

What would you say that I need to do for an MLB player to ask me out on a date?

Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Yours truly,

Marie Colette

P.S. Congrats on getting voted into the All Star Game. To prepare yourself for the Phoenix heat I suggest you practice by sticking your head in the oven a few times before you come.

P.P.S. Go Reds!